i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
