so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
