can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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