If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
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