You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
