You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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