She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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