I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
