my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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