I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
