He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
