if you like me you must not know who I am
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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