I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
