ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
