to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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