come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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