At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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