i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
worst night to have a conscience
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
