Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
