His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I can text with my tongue
no, he came in my armpit
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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