im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
