someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
