They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
