I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
