that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
