it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
