You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
just found out that she named her cat after me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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