don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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