Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
