He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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