Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
