This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
