o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
