Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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