He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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