It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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