let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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