The maid of honor just puked.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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