He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
