There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
