dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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