i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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