So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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