just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize