i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
