I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
