When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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