i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
