i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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