all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
