I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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