Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
