Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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