If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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