Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
