You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
