Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We left the knife in your bed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
