My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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