he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
