when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
