I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
