I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
