Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
