In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
