is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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