Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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