Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
