I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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