she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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