i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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