He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
