how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
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I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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