it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
