I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
