drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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