I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
