I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
